6 Reasons Everyone's Taking the Ice Bucket Challenge

By now, you have likely either participated in or at least observed others take the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge that has swept the nation in recent days. It is amazing how popular this trend has become overnight. Who would have guessed that you could so quickly get countless people from all walks of life to publicly dump ice water over their heads to support the ALS Foundation?

But if you know a few things about psychology and theories of behavior change, this viral phenomenon makes perfect sense and, in fact, isn’t so surprising at all. For the challenge to become the phenomenon it has, a confluence of psychological principles have to come together, including these 6:

1. Make it fun.

The Ice Bucket Challenge is fun, isn’t it? Watching people's reactions as they participate is funny and entertaining. It's simple, too—anyone can do it.

2. Give specific, time-limited instructions for behavior.

Asking people to engage in a highly particular and doable behavior—and then giving them a limited period (in this case, 24 hours) to pull it off—is effective and is very similar to classic retail strategies like the Black Friday sale on the day after Thanksgiving (and we all know how well that works).

3. Call out particular people in a public way.

Being highly specific about whom you nominate to participate in the ice bucket challenge, and then making that challenge public via social media, forces others to respond and act quickly. This avoids the diffusion of responsibility that occurs when general calls to action are made with no particular people in mind. And asking three people to participate keeps the chain of demand going in an exponential way. People can’t ignore the public callout and thus feel compelled to respond by participating. Asking each dunker to nominate three other people assures growth in participation even if half of all the people asked ignore the request.

4. Make the donation amount reasonable.

The suggested donation to the foundation of $100 is not overwhelming for most people who use social media and have regular Internet connection. It is significant but doable. Of course, it is a lot of money for some who may still donate less or support the campaign by getting others involved.

5. Add a little guilt.

A little guilt can go a long way for behavior change, in that people will feel compelled to participate when the challenge is for a good cause, and when they can see through the ubiquitous online videos that others they like and admire are participating, too.

6. Use appealing role models.

Having celebrities, close friends, and business associates act as models for the challenge improves the chances that others will do it, too. Observation learning theory basically states, "If person X will do it, then I want to do it, too." In many ways, then, the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge has employed the same psychological principles as the old chain letter approach familiar to many of us of a certain age. Social media offers a more modern, high-tech take on the method for getting people to engage in behaviors that you desire.

So, go ahead: Dump ice water on your head and ask your friends, relatives, and co-workers to do the same! Have fun with it. Whatever you can do to help a worthy organization make life better for others is a good deal. Just realize that psychological theories and strategies are being well utilized to push this phenomenon—in ways that are completely expected.

The viral charity phenomenon is based on some sound psychological principles.

Published on August 20, 2014 by Thomas G. Plante, Ph.D., ABPP in Do the Right Thing

The Many Complicated Reasons We Have Sex

Pity sex happens:

"In college I knew a guy who was very nice, but physically unattractive," one woman says. "We became friends and I found out he was a virgin and had never had a girlfriend before. After seeing him get snubbed by several girls at a party, I decided to 'cheer him up.' It was the saddest sex of my life and it was unfair to both of us, but it was by no means hard to fake. All it takes is a little genital stimulation."

Pity sex happens when people have sex with other people because they feel sorry for them. Is it worth the effort? Do people on both sides feel good during such sex? How they feel afterward? And what is the difference between pity sex and "charity sex"?

One thing seems certain: Sex is usually more than a simple physical activity; it is often a highly emotional interaction.

Pity (or mercy) sex is an experience in which a woman (or a man) is not particularly attracted to someone who is in love with her (or him) and wishes to have sex with her. She sleeps with him because she feels sorry for him. Many people have sex because they think they "should" rather than because they actually want to. This can be a kind of guilt-induced sex

Consider the following description, again by a woman, of her pity-sex experience: "I've been friends with this guy for five years. He is the sweetest guy and I know he would treat me like gold, but I'm just not physically attracted to him. He's not attractive at ALL....After confessing his love to me...I had sex with him...pity sex. I just wanted him to be happy and I do really care about him...

"I WISH I NEVER SLEPT WITH HIM."

A similar description of a pity sex experience was provided by another woman: "I would say my sex drive is about 0 right now. Last night we had sex. I couldn't wait for it to be over. Even kissing made me nauseous."

We should distinguish here between pity sex and charity sex. Like a one-night stand, pity sex is an isolated occurrence; but unlike a one-night stand, pity sex has an altruistic element intended to give pleasure to the other person but not necessarily the one who pities—after all, pity is not a pleasant emotion. In charity sex, you love your partner, and while you don't feel like having sex at that moment, you do it anyway. Charity sex is a very common part of an ongoing relationship that has lasted several years, and is in fact intended to enhance the relationship. Charity sex can be seen as a kind of investment in the relationship. Like other investments, you might not see the benefits at the moment, but you increase the prospects of reaping these benefits later on. Charity sex may not be enjoyable, but it typically does not involve suffering. It occurs during an ongoing intimate relationship and is a superficial, isolated activity that, as in pity sex, may be at odds with the current relationship between the two partners. It seems that while in pity sex it is better to receive than to give (the pitter is in the worse situation), in charity sex it is better to give than to receive (the one who gives is in a better situation).

In both scenarios, sex is intended to meet the needs of another person, but in charity sex it takes place in a more profound and enduring relationship. In pity sex, the pitying partner does not want to have sex with the one she (or he) pities, as she (or he) is not physically attracted to him (or her). In charity sex, you do find your partner attractive and generally enjoy having sex with him or her, but at this specific time you do not feel like having sex; you consent because you believe your partner wishes it or will benefit from it because, for instance, he is feeling somewhat low and the moment and sex will boost his mood. It seems that as time goes by, people (mainly women, seemingly) become less willing to have charity sex on a permanent basis.

Faking an orgasm—that is, pretending to derive pleasure to make your partner feel good—is somewhat similar to pity sex. However, faking anorgasm is more limited in scope, as it involves merely one aspect of the sexual act, while the rest of the experience can be enjoyable. In pity sex, the lack of enjoyment is more pronounced, and involves the entire activity—consequently, unlike faking an orgasm, pity sex can be entirely unpleasant for the pitying partner.

Other Scenarios

• Drunken sex is another type of sex that in normal circumstances would not be desirable, but the difference here is that whereas in pity sex the pitying person does not enjoy the sexual activity, in drunken sex he or she might. The conflict in pity sex is between what you do not want and what the other person does want; in drunken sex, the conflict is between what you would not want in normal circumstances and what you want when you are intoxicated.
• In the case of expedient sex, people may have sex with someone, not out of love or pity, but in order to derive some material benefit, such as money or status. The classic scenario would be an attractive young woman and a much older, wealthier man. In this case, the altruistic element is replaced by the element of greed.
• In the case of sexual friendship (or "friends with benefits"), where the connection between the two partners is based on sex and perhaps casual friendship, mutual pleasure can be derived. But since such a relationship does not involve love, it is more superficial and less meaningful. Sometimes, however, people greatly enjoy superficial experiences, particularly when they do not impose much obligation on either side.

In analyzing the attitudes in the above scenarios, we should discern the attitudes before, during, and after sex. In the optimal circumstances prevailing in genuine love, the three attitudes are very positive: the person is pleasantly excited before sex, is joyful during sex, and has a positive, calm mood after it. In drunken sex, a one-night stand, and sometimes extramarital sex, people might enjoy themselves before and during sex, but not feel good about it afterward. This is the "morning-after effect." Others might feel bad both before and after illicit sex, but enjoy the sex itself.

In pity sex, however, the bad feeling often prevails throughout—before, during, and after sex.

It is obvious that the best situation in which to have sex is that of partners feeling genuine love in which a pleasurable mood predominates before, during, and after sex. But not everyone has the privilege to enjoy such love. Does this mean that those who don't should not have sex?

It certainly does not—not having everything does not mean that you are not entitled to have something.

Pity sex seems to be the worst situation, as the pitying people do not enjoy themselves before, during, or after sex. However, from a moralviewpoint, pity sex has some value in providing sexual enjoyment to the person deprived of it. The problem in this respect is that at the end of the day, the pitying partner is likely to feel miserable about his or her altruistic, but ultimately fake sexual pleasure.

To sum up: In all these cases, various degrees of enjoyment are derived before, during, and after the sexual activity. There are only a few circumstances—genuine love being the most prevalent—when there is profound satisfaction all along, and other circumstances when there is profound dissatisfaction all along (as for the pitier in pity sex). Psychological dilemmas are scarcely present in these two circumstances; such dilemmas typically arise when satisfaction and suffering are mixed. In any case, sex is very rarely a simple physical act. It is typically loaded with many emotional attitudes that involve issues beyond the present moment. In such circumstances, pity sex, charity sex, expedient sex, and faked orgasms become more common.

The above considerations can be encapsulated in the following statement that a lover might express:

"Darling, I desire you so much that I am ready to have sex with you, even if you might consider it pity sex, charity sex, drunken sex, or merely a one-night stand. Nevertheless, I would much prefer to have dinner with you at a fine restaurant, while we hold hands and rub our legs together."

Pity sex, charity sex, and other hookups with people we don't love.

Published on February 5, 2012 by Aaron Ben-Zeév, Ph.D. in In the Name of Love

How Women Get Addicted to Cybersex

The widespread availability of Internet pornography websites has made it possible for millions of people to get sexual gratification easily, frequently, and without public attention. But because we so widely associate attraction to pornography with men, and because Internet pornography in general is a relatively recent phenomenon, there’s been very little scrutiny, either in academic research or the popular media, on women who become addicted to cybersex.

Technically, cybersex is defined as sexually motivated behavior involving the Internet. Unlike other forms of addictive behavior, such as gambling disorder and substance disorders, cybersex addiction is not an officially recognized disorder and therefore mental health professionals would not give a diagnosis to people who show the signs of this kind of addiction.

Research in the field is still emerging, but based on what’s known currently, it appears that women are in fact less likely to use cybersex than men, and when they do, they're more likely to join chatrooms than to view pornography. Research also shows that women become more likely to prefer interactive cybersex as they get older.

In investigating this relatively unexplored area, University of Duisberg-Essen psychologist Christian Laier and a team of German researchers decided to study the nature of cybersex addiction in women and understand its predictors. They began with a perspective known as thegratification hypothesis, which proposes that people become addicted to cybersex because they both anticipate and then receive sexual satisfaction. Unlike people who don’t develop an addiction, those hooked on cybersex actually become aroused by sexual cues on the Internet. If you don’t become turned on by pornographic images on the Internet, you won’t become a cybersex addict. If you do, and you experience a set of other risk factors, you may.

Laier and his team recruited 102 young heterosexual adult females from the community ranging from 18 to 29 years old. The researchers told participants ahead of time that they would be viewing explicit pornographic material of legal sexual practices. The young women were divided into groups based on their reported use of both Internet pornography and Internet sex chat rooms—Internet Pornography Users (IPUs); non-IPUs (NIPUs); interactive cybersex applications users only (ICUs); and noninteractive or no cybersex interactive applications users (NICUs). Most of the comparisons of interest involved the IPUs vs. the NIPUs.

Compared to the NIPUs, the IPUs were more likely to watch softcore photos and videos, but they were even more likely to visit hardcore photo and video websites. There were no group differences in a host of other practices, such as having sex chats, having sex via Webcam, using datingsites, going to live sex shows, purchasing online sex toys, reading sexually arousing literature, searching information on STDs, or seeking advice on sexual practices. 

During the one-hour testing in the lab, participants filled out a questionnaire, indicating how addicted they were to cybersex, known as the Internet Addiction Test adapted for cybersex use (IATs). There are two scales on the IATS—one reflecting loss of control and time management and the second tapping craving and social problems. Participants also answered a questionnaire measuring their propensity for sexual excitation and another, the Hypersexual Behavior Inventory (HBI), to assess problematic sexual behavior. They also rated themselves on a set of physiological and psychological symptoms within the past week, and provided information on the number of sexual partners they had both within the previous week and the previous 6 months.

The experimental portion of the study involved showing participants 100 stimuli depicting various sexual scenarios. Before and after watching these stimuli, participants rated their own sexual desire as well as their desire to masturbate.

As they predicted, Laier and his colleagues found that the IPUs felt more sexually aroused and had higher cravings than the NIPUs. Those with higher cybersex addiction, in turn, found the pictures more exciting, felt more cravings, were also more sensitive to sexual excitation, had more problematic sexual behaviors, and had more psychological symptoms. 

You might think that women hooked on Internet porn have poorer real-life relationships. However, those with strong cybersex addiction were no more likely than their non-addicted counterparts to have sexual partners in large numbers, to feel less satisfied with their sexual contacts, or to use interactive cybersex sites.

The study’s findings were clear: Women with a greater predisposition to becoming addicted to cybersex find Internet depictions of sexual activity more exciting and more likely to lead to cravings. Like men, women who become addicted to Internet pornography seem to do so out of a desire to achieve gratification. They don’t lack sexual activity in their lives, though they do seem to have more psychological problems. In the experiment, the pictures served as cues, similar to those that also trigger other addictive behavior, such as alcohol-related cues that trigger alcohol use.

The bottom line is that whether male or female, people who use the Internet for sex are doing so because they find online depictions to be reinforcing. What’s not clear is why it is that Internet images are so rewarding for these individuals, and how the cue of seeing sexual behavior online leads to craving. 

One might argue that, in contrast to risky sexual behavior, cybersex addiction isn’t particularly troublesome. The individuals pursuing online sexual arousal aren’t hurting anyone, and the behavior is legal. But being hooked on cybersex can interfere with an individual’s ability to lead a productive and satisfying life.

Although the women in the Laier, et al. study did not have fewer or less rewarding sexual relationships in their own lives, they did have more symptoms indicating psychological problems. They also were more likely to engage in riskier sexual behavior. For example, they were more likely than NIPUs to agree, "My sexual thoughts and fantasies distract me from accomplishing important tasks," and "I feel like my sexual behavior is taking me in a direction I don’t want to go." They also agreed that they "do things sexually that are against my values and beliefs." 

Clearly, both men and women can become cybersex addicts. In the case of women, at least, the ramifications can lead include a set of unwanted consequences, some that may even pose danger to physical and mental health.

If you or someone you know seems to be veering in this direction, it's important to recognize that cybersex addiction can create real, not just virtual, problems in living.

Reference

LaierChristian, PekalJaro, and BrandMatthias. Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking. August 2014, 17(8): 505-511. doi:10.1089/cyber.2013.0396.

Can Money Buy You Love?

Say you don't need no diamond ring and I'll be satisfied 
Tell me that you want the kind of thing that money just can't buy 
I don't care too much for money, money can't buy me love."—The Beatles

 "Everyone should have enough money for plastic surgery."—Beverly Johnson

"Getting divorced just because you don't love a man is almost as silly as getting married just because you do."—Zsa Zsa Gabor

Can money buy us love? There is no simple answer. If love is like religion, then it cannot be bought nor negotiated. If romantic interaction is similar to a commercial transaction, then love can be bought and can be negotiated—and compromised. Love seems to be similar to both, but identical to neither.

Avishi Margalit describes two pictures of politics: politics as economics and politics as religion. If politics is viewed as economics, it is entirely subject to compromise and exchange. If politics is viewed as religion, there are aspects that must be considered sacrosanct and on which we must never negotiate or compromise. Margalit argues that economic life is based on substitution: one good can be replaced by another. Accordingly, there is ample room for negotiation and compromise in economic life.

Is love similar to religion or to economics? It seems that in different aspects, love is similar to both religion and  commercial behavior.

In many respects, romantic loveresembles a kind of religion (seehere). They are similar in that they dictate basic beliefs, demand fundamental moral standards, and bestow high personal value upon their objects. The basic assumptions underlying the Romantic Ideology can indeed be found in many monotheistic religions. Like many religions, the Romantic Ideology is basically characterized by its comprehensive and uncompromising nature. Not unlike the function of religion, love is considered to give meaning to life, to overcome all obstacles, and to offer a share in eternity. The similarity between love and religion is also expressed in the resemblance of the beloved to God. The beloved is often characterized as "the sweetest angel in heaven and on earth," and as a "divine gift." The beloved is perceived to be a perfect person whose existence cannot be comprehended.

The relationship between God and His people has been described in the Bible and elsewhere in romantic terms, such as betrothal and marriage. When the People of Israel followed their idols, they were like an unfaithful lover-their activities are described as betraying God and as committingadultery and prostitution. God is described as jealous of the People of Israel. Pope Benedict XVI argues that "Corresponding to the image of a monotheistic God is monogamous marriage. Marriage based on exclusive and definitive love becomes the icon of the relationship between God and His people and vice versa." Fidelity to God and marital fidelity are celebrated as the highest human achievements.

In the above descriptions, love is depicted as something sacred that money cannot buy, just as money cannot buy God and cannot change normative behaviors that are prescribed by the holy religion.

However, there are also similarities between romantic and commercial behavior. This similarity is expressed, for instance, in the way that romantic partners are chosen nowadays. Modern technology, and especially the Internet, enables people to choose their romantic partners in the way they select a certain commodity. Thus, people can refer to very specific features that are not necessarily related to love. When someone writes on a dating site that he is seeking a vegetarian Jewish woman who is interested in African wildlife, his process is not dissimilar to the way in which he might itemize the attributes he wants in a specific commodity, such as a car.

The role of money in generating or in transacting loving relationships is expressed, for example, in the content of personal ads seeking romantic partners. Thus, the requirement that prospective partners are financially secure is often mentioned in ads placed by women. Indeed, while both men and women prefer good-looking partners, women consider other qualities, such as status and money, to compensate for looks. It is interesting to note that many men prefer a spouse who makes less money than they do and whose occupational status is lower than theirs. But this is due to men's concern about their self-esteem rather than to the issue of love. It might, however, be further indication that money and status influence the generation of love.

Money and status are certainly related to the generation of sexual desire and satisfaction. A survey of hundreds of Italian women indicates that two-thirds found greater sexual satisfaction from "powerful men in socially respected positions"-bosses and rich people are perceived to be better in bed. Indeed, in comparison with love, it is easier to buy and sell sexual desire. (Although commercial sex is quite successful, it has its own emotional limitations; even prostitutes offer no money-back guarantees.) The exchangeable nature of sex is also expressed in the ease with which sexual desire can be aroused by using the imagination, whether by people imagining themselves with someone other than the person they are actually with, or by imagining the person they are with to be more attractive than he actually is.

Money might not be as important to love itself, but love is hardly disconnected from reality. It is grounded in an actual framework of life, and the flourishing of this framework can depend upon having more money. This is one reason why many people would marry someone who possesses lots of qualities they admire, but with whom they are not in love.

In a fortunate framework of life, positive emotions, including love, are more likely to be generated. Extremely negative situations, such asloneliness, can also generate love, but this might be superficial love that depends more on current circumstances than on the deep, stable characteristics of the lovers.

In the Jewish Ethics of the Fathers, there is the following claim: "Whenever love depends upon something [external to love], and then this thing passes, then the love passes away too. But if love does not depend upon something like this, then love will never pass away."

Indeed, we are familiar with statements such as: "You don't love me; you just love my body (or my beauty, money, kindness, humor, wisdom, etc.)." This statement is voiced not only when it is concerned with features perceived as superficial, such as beauty and money, but also with regard to more profound features, such as kindness, humor and wisdom. Beauty and money are not regarded as legitimate reasons for love, whereas kindness and wisdom are more so, since they express characteristics more fundamental to us. Nevertheless, none of these reasons alone is perceived to be sufficient for romantic love. Such love requires the presence of many aspects belonging to both the praiseworthiness and the attraction of the partner.

The situation concerning happiness is similar-money cannot buy long-term happiness, but it certainly can be helpful in creating the circumstances that induce such happiness. There are indeed various studies that have found a positive correlation between income and long-term happiness.  Like with love, the effect of money on happiness is not very strong and there are other factors that are even more important than money for happiness (and love). Social factors, such as marriage, family, friends, and children, are more significant in determining long-term happiness than economic elements such as job, income, and standard of living. Money, however, can improve our situation in a way that gives us more occasions for happiness.

Money cannot buy love and love cannot buy money, but money increases the chances of love and love decreases the need for money. When one is in love, money is of less significance, and when one lacks money for basic needs, love is often more at risk.

To sum up, love is considered to be partially sacred while also having exchangeable elements found in commercial commodities. Money can help to generate love but it cannot buy love-at most, it can buy sex. It is easier to fall in love with a rich person, as money can generate circumstances that are more favorable for love and living with someone who is wealthy can make life easier. Hence, beautiful young women are attracted to rich old men, and in some cases genuine love is indeed generated.

The above considerations can be encapsulated in the following statement that a lover might express: "Darling, it is so hard to love you when you are earning less money than my sister's husband is."

Published on February 5, 2011 by Aaron Ben-Zeév, Ph.D. in In the Name of Love

Improve Your Sex Life By Talking to Women About Sex the Right Way

A lot of couples that have trouble in bed are usually the ones that have trouble talking about sex to begin with. This simply cannot be helped in some cases, though. Sometimes, this happens because they can't find the right words to say and other times, they simply aren't comfortable doing so. Then there are those people who simply do not know how to talk about sex, in general. If you want to improve your sex life, though, you need to become more comfortable about sexual topics overall, whether it involves talking about sex casually in a conversation or adding some dirty talk into your bedroom routines.

Generally speaking, if you want to improve your sex life, it would help to become more specific with the sexual terms that you use when you talk about sex. Learn the difference between 'vagina' and 'vulva', for example, and don't just refer to sex as 'doing it'. That could be a broad term used for oral sex or vaginal intercourse, after all, and it doesn't sound as hot as other words that you can use to woo your potential partners. Once you become more comfortable using different words, you will get to improve your sex life in no time - believe it.

Now, if the trouble lies with your partner having trouble with using sexual terms, try asking her about more specific things as opposed to asking open-ended questions. So, instead of asking her about what she likes, give her options to choose from and then ask her what she likes better from those options. In other words, use multiple-choice questions instead of open-ended ones. Also, don't expect her to answer in an essay form, either; a basic answer from her should suffice in helping you figure out how you can pleasure her better.

A lot of men also tend to keep quiet while having sex overall because they are worried about saying the wrong things. Unfortunately, this isn't a good thing. Ideally, you should always give your partner verbal cues while having sex. Talk to her and ask her what she wants and needs. Also, let her know if she is doing something amazing in bed. Neutral prompts, like 'slower', 'harder' or 'just like that' can do wonders for your sex life. After all, if she knows what you like, she is sure to use those moves more as time goes by and make you happier at the same time. Just make sure your information is clear and simple. You don't even have to throw in any dirty talk if you aren't comfortable with that yet. Just make sure that she knows what works and what doesn't.

Of course, dirty talk can improve your sex life, too, though - provided your partner is on the same page when it comes down to it. Some women might not be comfortable with dirty talk or might not find it sexy. If you aren't fond of dirty talk yourself, then talking sexy without being lewd works to. Telling a woman that you want her badly can already be arousing enough for her and can bring about fantastic results in the end.

On that note, you shouldn't hold back if you feel like sighing, moaning or grunting, either. Sex sounds are very sexy to female ears and women usually get extremely turned on by them. Just don't overdo it, of course. There is a difference between letting a woman know that you like what she is doing in bed and scaring her off by being over-the-top. Besides, women have a knack of telling when a guy is lying or not, so keep things simple at all times.

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Online Dating Tips for Men to Consider

Gentlemen, the time has come for you to try online dating. You have tried going to bars, talking to women at work, at the gym and anywhere else you can find them. Now you are diving into the online dating game and you want to put your best foot forward. There are a few online dating tips for men you should know before you even get started. This will not only help you get more attention but also make the best choices.

1. Be yourself but be fun at it: When you start putting together your profile women do not want to see the picture of you and your ex-girlfriend. They do not want to see a bunch of information about how you like to sit around and play video games or watch sports all the time. Show them the fun things you like to do; outdoor activities, what you do for work, if you are going to school, what you and your friends do for fun and so forth.

2. Don't be fun, be awesome: Watching a baseball game is fun, going to a baseball game is awesome. Enjoying fishing is fun, going fishing to exotic locations is awesome. Post pictures and talk about the awesome things you do.

3. Time to make a contact: Sometimes you will get lucky and a girl will message you. That's great but don't expect it to happen all the time. Women who are trying online dating, or women in general prefer a guy to make the first move. Understand that these women spent a lot of time working on their profiles, selecting the pictures to show and so forth. Take the time to read their profiles and that will give you something to talk about when you first message them.

4. The harsh reality of online dating: Most men who are looking for online dating tips are simply looking for advice to contact women. Understand that even if you have a great profile and you come up with a great introduction message for a woman you found online, she may not answer. There are tons of reasons why but don't take it personally. You have to realize that there can be as many as a hundred guys who message her each day or more so if she looks at your profile and doesn't respond its OK for you to move on.

5. Don't use the same lines over and over: Believe it or not, just like in a bar there are women on dating sites that are friends. They make profiles together and talk about the men who message them. If they see that you sent the both of them the same message you probably won't hear back from either one of them so be original.

There are plenty of online dating tips for men to follow but the most important ones come down to being original, being yourself and being patient. Sometimes the perfect girl isn't going to respond and that's OK, you saw her for a couple of seconds on an online dating site. There will be others, so don't worry about it.

There are ways for men to improve their chances when it comes to online dating. Don't try to get one hundred responses when you can get one from the right woman. There are plenty of tips and ideas you can check out at http://www.nirakar.net/nirakar/

  

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Online Dating Tips for Women to Consider

    A lot of couples that have trouble in bed are usually the ones that have trouble talking about sex to begin with. This simply cannot be helped in some cases, though. Sometimes, this happens because they can't find the right words to say and other times, they simply aren't comfortable doing so. Then there are those people who simply do not know how to talk about sex, in general. If you want to improve your sex life, though, you need to become more comfortable about sexual topics overall, whether it involves talking about sex casually in a conversation    

or adding some dirty talk into your bedroom routines.

Generally speaking, if you want to improve your sex life, it would help to become more specific with the sexual terms that you use when you talk about sex. Learn the difference between 'vagina' and 'vulva', for example, and don't just refer to sex as 'doing it'. That could be a broad term used for oral sex or vaginal intercourse, after all, and it doesn't sound as hot as other words that you can use to woo your potential partners. Once you become more comfortable using different words, you will get to improve your sex life in no time - believe it.

Now, if the trouble lies with your partner having trouble with using sexual terms, try asking her about more specific things as opposed to asking open-ended questions. So, instead of asking her about what she likes, give her options to choose from and then ask her what she likes better from those options. In other words, use multiple-choice questions instead of open-ended ones. Also, don't expect her to answer in an essay form, either; a basic answer from her should suffice in helping you figure out how you can pleasure her better.

A lot of men also tend to keep quiet while having sex overall because they are worried about saying the wrong things. Unfortunately, this isn't a good thing. Ideally, you should always give your partner verbal cues while having sex. Talk to her and ask her what she wants and needs. Also, let her know if she is doing something amazing in bed. Neutral prompts, like 'slower', 'harder' or 'just like that' can do wonders for your sex life. After all, if she knows what you like, she is sure to use those moves more as time goes by and make you happier at the same time. Just make sure your information is clear and simple. You don't even have to throw in any dirty talk if you aren't comfortable with that yet. Just make sure that she knows what works and what doesn't.

Of course, dirty talk can improve your sex life, too, though - provided your partner is on the same page when it comes down to it. Some women might not be comfortable with dirty talk or might not find it sexy. If you aren't fond of dirty talk yourself, then talking sexy without being lewd works to. Telling a woman that you want her badly can already be arousing enough for her and can bring about fantastic results in the end.

On that note, you shouldn't hold back if you feel like sighing, moaning or grunting, either. Sex sounds are very sexy to female ears and women usually get extremely turned on by them. Just don't overdo it, of course. There is a difference between letting a woman know that you like what she is doing in bed and scaring her off by being over-the-top. Besides, women have a knack of telling when a guy is lying or not, so keep things simple at all times.

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